Why it’s hard to stick to New Years Resolutions, and how to set more effective goals.
That energising and inspiring feeling of the start of a new year is the catalyst for many people to set resolutions and use this time as a fresh start. This feeling actually has a name - the “fresh start effect” and is a highly motivating experience for setting and achieving new goals.
The issue many of us run into is that the feeling wears off, and the momentum from the beginning of the year dwindles, leaving so many of our resolutions unfinished. Why does this happen?
Resolutions are typically quite broad, inflexible, are determined by cultural and social norms, and usually have no deadline. A year is a long time. Having a goal that is open-ended for an entire year is a recipe for it’s failure. Many people also set unrealistic resolutions or goals that aren’t really relevant to them specifically.
As someone with ADHD, who loves goals and lists - so many of my resolutions, goals, and to do lists have disappeared into the unfinished abyss over the years because they were not very well-defined, or were too broad, or unrealistic. So, I have put together some tips (ADHD friendly) to help define and refine your goals, to hopefully strengthen your foundation and bolster your progress.
Here are some ways to set goals you can achieve:
Only set a few big goals:
Having too many goals will become easily overwhelming and can cause you to lack direction and precision. If you have 7 big things you want to achieve, you might get stuck on which one to start, how much time each requires, switching between them, or just feeling too overwhelmed and doing nothing. Having 2-3 big goals for the year is more realistic and will allow you to manage your time better across all of them.
Have some small, fun goals:
It doesn’t have to be all business all the time. Having little fun goals reflects the desire for spontaneity, creativity and play. Things like: use stickers in my journal, write a handwritten letter to a friend, try a new recipe every month, go to a dance class, go to the movies more often, and use my GOOD (insert item here) instead of saving it for a special occasion are small and extremely achievable in one day.
Not only does ticking off a goal, even a small fun one, feel very productive and contribute towards momentum, but it also is great for our wellbeing to do creative and enjoyable things in place of doom scrolling.
SMART Goals:
I know we always hear this method being recommended all the time, however, there is a reason it is always mentioned - the framework works. For goals to be effective, they need to be:
Specific (this: go to therapy fortnightly to improve my self-confidence, not this: be more confident)
Able to be measured (how will you know you have achieved the goal? how are you measuring success?)
Achievable (for example winning the lottery is not really something you can “achieve”. Keep it realistic)
Relevant (to YOU and your current circumstances, someone else's goals won’t apply to you)
Time-specific (when are you trying to achieve this goal? End of month? End of year?).
You don’t have to follow this strictly, but it is a good framework by which to ensure your goals are clearly defined and actionable.
Break down bigger/long term goals into smaller steps:
This one is important for those with ADHD. Unfortunately, a long-term, vague goal like “improve my confidence” is not going to be very achievable. It doesn’t explain how you’re going to get there, what you need to do to work towards it, or what the outcome will look like. Breaking it down into manageable steps that you can tick off throughout the year will make it doable and realistic.
For example, improve my confidence becomes: go to therapy, step out of my comfort zone more, walk 10 minutes every day, etc.
If you’re not sure how to break it down, ask yourself these questions: What will it look like to achieve your goal? How will you know you have achieved it? What other things do you need to do to support this goal?
Positive reinforcement:
Reinforcement helps integrate and solidify a new habit. We know this from early studies of B.F. Skinner who discovered the effects of operant conditioning on behaviours. Positive reinforcement, which is the act of adding a new stimulus as a reward for completing a task, displays strong results in sustaining habits.
Punishment, on the other hand, often does not work for longevity. You can’t punish yourself into positive change. Though you CAN punish yourself into low confidence, shame, and possibly worse overall mental health.
Adapt your goal as you change:
For so many years I have set resolutions at the very start of the year, just to look back on them 5 months in the year and realise I am no longer interested in half the things I wrote and I have brand new goals I want to achieve. This is very ADHD of me, but it's not just an ADHD thing.
As we experience life, we change with it. New information provides a new perspective, and sometimes opportunities we weren’t expecting present themselves to us - taking us in a new direction.
Having goals that reflect the changing tides of life that can change with you are more likely to last the length of the year.
Why are you wanting to achieve this goal?:
“Find your why” is something I’ve heard so many times I’m almost sick of it. It has some relevance here with goal setting, depending on the goal. For example, why does John want to get fit? If it’s because he wants to fit into a social norm, it might be hard to stick to this goal, as it’s not for John, but it’s for others. On the other hand, if he wants to feel stronger or have better health, that pertains to him personally and may be more likely to stick to it as he is intrinsically motivated to achieve it.
For other goals, your why can be as simple as “because I enjoy it”.
What are your methods for achieving goals?
